Professor Green

There has never been a worse point in life to be so encapsulated in isolation.As quick as the snap...

Mon, 17 Jun 2013 16:50:48 -0400

There has never been a worse point in life to be so encapsulated in isolation.As quick as the snap back to reality brought me up the realization of what I am brings me to choices,none back to convincing myself that I need to impress everyone and be respected so nobody realized what I really am just plain bizarre. I was that kid tormented at school because of some orthodontic nightmare which still plagues the back of my mind. The one who turned to music to relate but got too wrapped up pretending that the most tone deaf, off tempo fool could fit in, until one day music led to a much stranger fascination. The glory of impairment, but it wasn’t addiction due to love of drugs, but to the love for the world around me. In a genuine attempt to feel connections and to understand how it feels at the end of the day knowing you can relate and be comfortable with social situations and not feel like every move you make is going to ruin your life. Surrounding myself with burnouts and people who got inebriated often allowed me to feel at least socially that I fit in. I acquired a position in life where I was just that guy, the radically juxtaposed individual who everyone knew but yet didn’t quite know at the same time, anything not to be a disabled freak who broke down shaking and genuinely afraid of talking to people because I couldn’t hide what happens when the facade falls. The one who subtly ran out of the studio after a minute in the dressing room for fear of not being enough. Knowing that when his hands started shaking he would either fall to the floor feeling like he was having an emotional seizure, plus what’s worse for not trying to be a freak when you’re found shaking in a dressing room. It’s always the wrong conclusion hey get to though, he’s having an overdose, he’s finally snapped from all the drugs then my life takes the wrong turn and I end up stuck in a path I can’t escape.The need to help is instinctual and with my infatuation of being able to fit in while others are intoxicated landed me in a horrible position. Drugs paved the way for the detriment of those I cared about I couldn’t do anything but help, I gave up my own life for a life of trying to help people, and my surroundings. And when I couldn’t help I suffered both by staying around not giving up, and by knowing I couldn’t help. When I was sent to the hospital I tried to help people who just were too gone to be helped, it destroyed me. All the while being put on medication for this that and the next thing when I knew they would only hurt. I was afraid to admit that I care, so much that my life is filled with self hate because as much as I care i just can’t connect. I’m not suicidal, I’m not hurting anybody, I’m letting others create an image of me that destroys me while helping themselves. I’m not a drug oracle, I’m not a brilliant musical mind who likes every aspect of a song, I’m not that retard burnout, I’m the person who is giving up the image I’m finding myself, the guy who doesn’t talk because he trips on his words and says things in confusing ways, I’m the one who only wants to have a few close friends and who used to do anything to feel like he fit in.

Now that I’ve gotten this off my chest, I’ll be the one seizing up in my room because I’m nervous for no reason.

It feels so unnatural, Peter Gabriel too

Mon, 17 Jun 2013 13:05:43 -0400

It feels so unnatural, Peter Gabriel too

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Mon, 17 Jun 2013 12:23:03 -0400

g-uccinigga: my blog’s for all you sad and lonely teens

Mon, 17 Jun 2013 12:22:00 -0400

g-uccinigga:

my blog’s for all you sad and lonely teens

Lost all that matters to grasp an illusion of power

Mon, 17 Jun 2013 02:56:48 -0400

Lost all that matters to grasp an illusion of power

thefreakofcraftbeer:

Sun, 16 Jun 2013 23:25:56 -0400

thefreakofcraftbeer:

sadclown: Atmosphere - Happymess You seen me at my lowest...

Sun, 16 Jun 2013 23:25:42 -0400

sadclown:

Atmosphere - Happymess

You seen me at my lowest moments
You gave me sight when I had broken focus
With a smile that opens up like a rose does
Even when it all felt so fucking hopeless

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Sun, 16 Jun 2013 23:25:26 -0400

Fuckin mid life crisis at 19, I’m like 53 at heart

Sun, 16 Jun 2013 17:57:45 -0400

Fuckin mid life crisis at 19, I’m like 53 at heart

wah-mos: nevver: Never quit H- me

Sun, 16 Jun 2013 17:57:32 -0400

Cigarette Psychology vintagescans.blogspot.com

Cigarette Psychology vintagescans.blogspot.com

Cigarette Psychology vintagescans.blogspot.com

Cigarette Psychology vintagescans.blogspot.com

Cigarette Psychology vintagescans.blogspot.com

wah-mos:

nevver:

Never quit

H- me

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Sun, 16 Jun 2013 17:42:26 -0400

universeobserver: Someone Great || LCD Soundsystem

Sun, 16 Jun 2013 17:42:14 -0400

universeobserver:

Someone Great || LCD Soundsystem

"We were discussing homosexuality because of an allusion to it in the book we were reading, and..."

Sun, 16 Jun 2013 17:41:53 -0400

“We were discussing homosexuality because of an allusion to it in the book we were reading, and several boys made comments such as, “That’s disgusting.” We got into the debate and eventually a boy admitted that he was terrified/disgusted when he was once sharing a taxi and the other male passenger made a pass at him. The lightbulb went off. “Oh,” I said. “I get it. See, you are afraid, because for the first time in your life you have found yourself a victim of unwanted sexual advances by someone who has the physical ability to use force against you.” The boy nodded and shuddered visibly.“But,” I continued. “As a woman, you learn to live with that from the time you are fourteen, and it never stops. We live with that fear every day of our lives. Every man walking through the parking garage the same time you are is either just a harmless stranger or a potential rapist. Every time.” The girls in the room nodded, agreeing. The boys seemed genuinely shocked. “So think about that the next time you hit on a girl. Maybe, like you in the taxi, she doesn’t actually want you to.””

- Homophobia: The fear that another man will treat you like you treat women. Andrew Sullivan (via neurotoxus)

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Sun, 16 Jun 2013 17:40:16 -0400

I tried to help them… Hopefully they will help me by not trying to “help”

Sun, 16 Jun 2013 17:39:21 -0400

I tried to help them… Hopefully they will help me by not trying to “help”

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Sat, 15 Jun 2013 22:02:40 -0400

It really just sank in :)

Sat, 15 Jun 2013 22:01:57 -0400

It really just sank in :)

I would do anything to be the person you deserve. All I can do is push forward and hope to god she...

Sat, 15 Jun 2013 21:40:11 -0400

I would do anything to be the person you deserve. All I can do is push forward and hope to god she wasn’t the one for me, although it’s the most painful thought. I’m strong but this is going to haunt me for more than anyone could imagine

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Fri, 14 Jun 2013 10:59:09 -0400

spugnardidesign: Your daily dose of color: Nudibranch

Thu, 13 Jun 2013 16:24:26 -0400

spugnardidesign:

Your daily dose of color: Nudibranch